Hollywood Party (A Meta Tale) by Derek Reid - Short, Comedy -  Three screenwriters, an up-and-coming actress and Kate Beckinsale's midriff. 5 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hmm. Well, there's one formatting problem I'll point out. When you introduce Albert on Page 2, you should just introduce him as Albert, not Gentleman.

As for your story, it's fun in a throwaway kind of way. I think it would make a great commercial for Ralph's or something. The setup/payoff/punchline works extremely well for that medium. For a film, it falls flat. A better ending, IMO, would be to add another laugh after the Spielberg line. The only thing you should add is the guys spotting Kate Beckinsale, vodka shot in hand, staring back at them, like a dear in the headlights--cut to black.

In order to make that work properly, you'd need to use suspenseful, Herrmann-esque music...something you can't call for in a spec script. Which is why this is a tough thing to write.

Just my thoughts, though.

Thank you for reading Dan!

Don't worry about spending time on any serious critiques for this one guys. I submitted this at the same time as 'Roadside' and it just posted later. It was based on a dream I had and I thought it'd be fun to script it out for practice (because obviously nothing professional could happen with it). Probably wouldn't even submit it again in retrospect now that I know more about how the forum works. A simple 'lol' or 'boo!' will suffice.  ;) ;D

And it's not really a mean-spirited goof on screenwriters or anything...since I aspire to maybe one day be 'screenwriter #2'. haha

I liked the feel of this story. Screenwriters that try to act lose but really aren’t.
Don't we all..