Henry's Mill Day One (pilot) by Robert Spenard - Series, Comedy, Drama - The Quiet town of Henry's Mill Middle America will never be the same after being loaned the ultimate Loaner Agent. Name an Agency and He most likely still on their books. 37 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hi Robert.

Your logline is confusing, especially that last sentence.  I suggest you rewrite the entire thing.

Don't need the title on the first page.  You also start off this first scene with a passive sentence and a character that should be in all caps.  "Sheriff FALSEN enters the small Sheriff's station."  A little description on the character and the setting also helps.

You don't intro the deputy either.  He's on screen from the header so you would need to introduce him in that same action block.  You dialogue is also missing periods.  I just noticed that your action line is as well.

I'm not sure why you have a FADE OUT at the end of that scene.  Either way, the FADE IN should be on the left side and before the slug.  The action line is also incomplete.  Instead of telling us Agent Wallenburg is bored, try showing.

What you use to address the characters in the dialogue is a bit strange.  Instead of SHERIFF, I would suggest using FALSEN and just WALLENBURG instead of AGENT WALLENBURG.  There's nothing wrong with the way you've written it but sticking to names as opposed to titles and ranks reads better IMO.

Best of luck.  Hopes this sheds some light.