Print Topic

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  End of the World One Week Challenge  /  The Rainbow Serpent - EOWOWC
Posted by: Don, December 22nd, 2012, 12:37am
The Rainbow Serpent by James Fine - Short - Two bumbling Australians discover that a mysterious creature will destroy all of Earth's resources and they're mankind's last hope. - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: crookedowl (Guest), December 22nd, 2012, 2:03am; Reply: 1
***SPOILERS BELOW***


Cowboy Sam returns!!!

I admit, I started with a serious review... A damn good one, if I do say so myself, but once I reached the M. Night Shyamalan line, I knew this had to be a pisser. (Yeah, it took me that long.)

You obviously know how to write, so I'm not going to bring up the "we see" stuff. The only thing I've got right now is, it doesn't make much sense... at all. But then again, you've got Cowboy Sam in it, so who cares?

Congrats on completing the EOWOWC.
Posted by: Dreamscale (Guest), December 22nd, 2012, 3:08am; Reply: 2
Damn, why the fuck didn't I enter?

This...is...CLASSIC!  One of the best pissers I've ever read.  True genius, seriously.

The sentence structure, teh glaring hilsrious misspellingsm adn typos...all classic.

This is better than some of my best.

Loved the whole wolf swallowing.

Some may not understand that I am in awe at the level of pisstake on display here.

You, my brother or sister need to party soon!

AWESOME!!!  Hard to imagine this won't win.
Posted by: Ryan1, December 22nd, 2012, 3:18am; Reply: 3
Good to see Jeff finally pen the highly anticipated semi-sequel to Cowboy Sam.  

Unlike Crooked Owl, it didn't take me until the M. Night line to know this was a pisser.  It was the opening slug of "Australian Dessert."  As far the story...uh, does it really matter?  Only quibble: ending it with a "to be continued."  Come on Jeff, give me closure on these characters.
Posted by: Dreamscale (Guest), December 22nd, 2012, 3:23am; Reply: 4
Ryan, I didn't enter, and if I could have written this. I'd be damn proud, mate.

I actually was thinking this is yours.  Seriously.  This is a good writer taking a monstrous quirt.

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Well done!!!!
Posted by: mcornetto (Guest), December 22nd, 2012, 3:39am; Reply: 5
It's usually true that sequels are never better than  the original and this sequel might not be better than the original and may even be worse.  In this case that's probably a good thing or a bad thing like when bad means good. Either way, I think we can all agree it's not the original but a sequel  or it might even be a prequel in which case all bets are off.  Be that as it may, the fact that James Fine (if that's your real name) wrote a pisstake about Cowboy Sam as their legacy script for the EOWOWC doesn't escape me -- just like Kevin will never escape the clutches of Lady Putz' chins.  In conclusion be careful when writing about aboriginals and their myths (watch The Last Wave and see why).      

  

    
Posted by: leitskev, December 22nd, 2012, 11:47am; Reply: 6
"a natural tan that somehow doesn't
even seem natural"

There will be writing glitches in all of the OWCs. But the writer needs to understand that if you have too many of these, the reader will tune out if at any point the story becomes less than excellent.

It's often work to get through a script, and the reader is willing to put in the work of they sense competence. Mistakes like this give the reader no confidence in the writer, so as soon as the story becomes work to read, his eyes start skipping to the end.

We had scallywags and farts here, so all was not lost! And there was a humorous tone.

But to be honest, there were enough early writing glitches that I just wasn't willing to put in the work to figure out the whole story. And when I saw the appearance of Cowboy Sam, it suggested to me that the writer is just fooling around anyway, so I was not inclined to go back and give a more serious read. Sorry.
Posted by: Pale Yellow, December 22nd, 2012, 12:13pm; Reply: 7
omg ;) laughing. Ok I have a fear of alligators so this will prolly give me nite dreams :) but it had a comical tone. Poop in a bag. Haha some funny stuff.

Whoever wrote this knows how to write! Good job!

And there's my fav character or 2012 ...Cowboy Sam...

We should've had a Cowboy Sam OWC :) hahaha ;) I love that guy.
Posted by: CoopBazinga, December 22nd, 2012, 1:01pm; Reply: 8

Quoted from Dreamscale
This...is...CLASSIC!  One of the best pissers I've ever read.  True genius, seriously.


Like Jeff, I to love a good old pisser and this one started positively with the opening “dessert” slug but I have to admit that even for an obvious pisser – this was kind of disappointing after such a promising start.

It really drifted into boring territory in the middle section which should never be the case with this type of script – it’s all about fun and I’m sorry author, but I was dwindling during the middle segment.

But…

I’m glad that I gave it the whole 9 pages though because the ending is strong with Cowboy Sam and the fantastic Lady Putz making guest appearances and this did leave me wanting more.

It’s just a shame that the middle section was so bland but on the whole – good work fella or lady!

Love a fun read and this delivered overall but it could have been so much funnier, IMO.


Quoted from Dreamscale
Damn, why the fuck didn't I enter?


Sorry to keep quoting you Jeff but agreed!

I wish I’d done a pisser now – thought about it, honestly. Next time…

They’re great fun to read.

Merry Christmas. :)
Posted by: nawazm11, December 22nd, 2012, 9:15pm; Reply: 9
Hey, James.

;D ;D ;D ;D Hahahaha, I laughed too many times at this. I think it gives Jeff's Of Cannibals and Cabins a run for its money.

My favourite line - "a crocodile pen that houses at least four crocodiles." WTF? Lol!

I actually think the writer here was onto a good idea, I think this could've worked as a comedy if he really put in some effort.

Also, Michael mentioned about the aboriginal mythology. Be careful, man. It didn't seem like you were poking fun but still be wary. :)



My grade - D but take that lightly.
Posted by: kingcooky555, December 22nd, 2012, 10:26pm; Reply: 10
This is a well-done pisser. Some of the details are just classic - "a sigh of bad things," the Uranus line, the dessert slug line, the 'timeless' slug. Indeed, this is the most awesomest Cowboy Sam version ever.
Posted by: WillJonassen, January 5th, 2013, 2:09am; Reply: 11
As funny as it is... I do agree at the genius level if only for the great title, names, and hint of an original concept. I was immediately drawn in and taken by the idea of it. I'm terrible with that, myself, where you have a real knack for it even in a cracked thing like this.

It looks like you had a hell of a lot of fun with it, especially.

good good good
Print page generated: April 29th, 2024, 5:50pm