Sham Marriage by Simon K. Parker - Short, Drama - A young man will go to extreme lengths to stay on his parents good side. 13 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey Simon,

I’ll be honest: I read this because my username was in the title.

This was a breeze to read and something that really hit close to home. Number one, because I’m gay; but mostly because number two, a gay friend of mine from high school says he refuses to come out of the closet until his grandparents die because they’re sitting on a pretty fortune which he’s expected to inherit, and he knows he won’t be getting any of it if they find out he’s been cruising Grindr and giving reach-arounds every other weekend.

There were a couple of moments in your script where I see some trimming that can be done, but I didn’t find anything particularly distracting. I liked your characters (even with some of their unlikable characteristics), and I think you did a pretty good job with the dialogue.

I didn’t like the ending. It felt incomplete and ultimately unsatisfying.

I kinda liked it overall though. Keep writing!

Chris

I'm gay, and only out to a select couple family members.  I could relate to this, though it was different.  I'm 16, so it was refreshing to see how someone older like David dealing with his homosexuality.

I thought some of the dialogue was... weird.  Like, not real.  You should read over it some more.  Say you yourself, "would a REAL person actually speak like this" -- but mostly, it was okay.  It was only in a few select areas.  Sometimes it was great!

The story is nothing new.  But it was a good read!  I liked the fact that every time we met the parents they were overly-dressed... that gave me a few chuckles.

I thought Stuart was a little dull, especially for a gay guy.  Like, he was boring.  I think you need to find a way to make him jump off the page more.

And I also think you could maybe use a better title.

I also noticed you wrote "FADE IN." and it should read "FADE IN:" -- easily fixed.

Overall though, it was written well.  A little iffy in places.  But you're a good writer and I liked the story overall.  Good luck with this. :)

-- Curt

Quoted from AmbitionIsKey I'm gay, and only out to a select couple family members.

... and the odd billion or two who have internet access?

I keep what I do on the internet very private.  

I use two message-boards.  This one and another one.  None of my friends/family know I use them.  These message-boards allow me a chance to escape the fucking shit-hole that is my real life, and allow me to express myself and be open about who I am and not have to hide it.  

Something I cannot do in my real life, sadly.

However, this post and your post above SiColl don't have anything to contribute to Simon's short.  So if you have anything else you'd like to say PM me.  Cool?  Cool.

-- Curt