I Was Here by Brett Bentman - Action, Adventure - Stranded on a deserted island, two friends fight the elements for survival. 112 pages - pdf, format 8)

logline needs improvement.  

There are so many films about people being stranded somewhere and somehow they escape after battling the foes.  Very easy plot.  It's a no brainer, but the content you have in your script might be very much interesting and unique.  The problem is your logline didn't catch me.  It is so boring.  You are already in deep crap because you wrote a story which alot of people already thought of...stranded people plots are everywhere.  So, in order to make people read your script you will need to make a very catchy logline.

ok...two friends fight the elements for survival?  What elements?  Water, Fire, Earth, and Air?  If that's what you meant, it is interesting.  Or you meant the Chemical Elements from the Periodic table?  If that was the case?  How do they fight Hydrogen and Nitrogen elements?  hhmmm  Or is it the weather they will fight because sometimes weather is referred to as an element....which ELEMENTS??

It is a little overwritten early on.

On page 2 for example:  "The guy is prepared for anything." it's not needed as it's unfilmable.  

You also have some big chunks of detail that lead to something simple.  

I.E:

"There’s a lot going on: Skyler is watching CNN on his seven
inch television, working on his laptop, and holding his desk
phone to his ear"

Could be shortened to:

Skyler glances at the news and holds a phone to his ear, taps away on the laptop.

"There’s a half-eaten frozen dinner that’s been freshly thrown in the trash.
Skyler takes some GermX out of his desk, wipes his hands clean"

A half-eaten dinner sits in the trash, Skyler cleans off his hands.

"A seemingly endless line of cubicles. The hallway is a vast
living organism - loud, complex, worker bees, a symbol of the
modern work world. Hundreds of EMPLOYEES work in a frenzy of
interconnected phone lines and computer outlets."

An endless line of cubicles.  People swarm the halls.  Employees frantically work, answering phones and tapping on keyboards.

"Finding that he is in fact alone" - Not needed.

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Some overwritten passages in the early pages, with more "tell" than "show".

"Teddy jumps off the swing, bolts over to Skyler, smiles as he
runs. Skyler lifts him, carries him."

This is good.

"sadly realizing visiting time is now over"

Explaning a character's thoughts are not good as you can't film them.  You could simply cut the above line from the below paragraph and it'd be the same.

"They both look up, see JULES, Skyler’s ex-wife, Teddy’s
mother. Her car keys are in hand - she’s not lingering.
Skyler’s face falls, he glances at his watch."

And you could also shorten the above paragraph.

"They look over at JULES, car keys in hand and impatient.
Skyler's eyes sink to his watch."

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Get rid of the pointless lines "Skyler's ex-wife, Teddy's mother" I mean, by Skyler's actions we can tell Jules was someone to him by the following harsh lines they exchange.


Lee