Hey Lucy,
So, page one alone has a bunch of problems. I'll break it down for you from the top of the page to the bottom:
INT. KITCHEN. AFTERNOON
It's a cloudy day, there is a 30 year old woman TINA, she walks into her kitchen, rushed and frustrated she is talking to her husband ERIC, the mood is just before a
heated argument. She walks to the cupboard by the sink getting out the wine bottle.First off, start your script off with FADE IN. It's industry standard on the most part. There's other ways to begin a script outside of FADE IN but I'll keep it basic. And try not to use AFTERNOON in the SLUG. It's usually either DAY or NIGHT.
Also, try to stay away from saying that this character is do(ing) this. And you mention it's a cloudy day even though we're inside (INT.) - it's possible there's a window, but it's not really important. And if you feel it is, then have your character looking out the window or mention that there is a window - clouds outside. And other than the run-on sentence used to describe Tina, you also describe her as a woman - her name's Tina, no need to waste a word to explain she's a woman if we know by her name.
Also, remember to show - don't tell us Eric is her husband in the description, show us through action and dialogue (without forcing it).
And write things as they happen. Don't tell us that they just had an argument before. Show us through their actions that they just had an argument or SHOW us the argument.
Here's a rewrite of of the above:
FADE IN:
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
TINA (30) marches into the kitchen, frustrated. ERIC (age?) follows in after her.
She grabs a wine bottle from a cupboard above the sink, ignoring Eric.Other things from page 1:
ERIC
Come on Tina, there isn't
anything to be afraid of, you
just...TINA
(Getting out a
wineglass)
Don't tell me what I need to do
ERIC - what will my friends
think, hm?ERIC
(Standing behind TINA
he attempts, softly to
take the glass from
her as she pours
herself a glass)
Now come one sweetie, you don't
need that. TINA
(Trying to push ERIC
away)
ERIC please, just leave me
alone!You include far too much action in the (parenthetical) below the CHARACTER NAME. Take those out and use them in the action/description paragraphs.
I've also noticed that you CAPITALIZE the character names throughout the script, even in dialogue. Now, I've read some scripts where the names are CAPITALIZED throughout, but the most accepted way to do it is to only CAP their name when they're introduced. After that, just keep their names lower cased. And you definitely don't CAP their names in dialogue. Ever. Unless you're character is trying to place emphasis on the name as they speak it.
Here's how I would write it:
ERIC
Come on Tina, there isn't
anything to be afraid of, you
just...TINA
Don't tell me what I need to do
Eric. What will my friends think, huh?Tina pours a glass of wine. Eric tries to take it from her, but nudges him back and takes a sip.
ERIC
Now come one sweetie, you don't
need that.TINA
Eric please, just leave me
alone!Now, the dialogue feels very wooden and "on the nose", so I would probably change that up too, but I kept it the same here just to show you format wise how it should be written. Though, just a note, you use their names in the dialogue a lot. Nobody talks like that. When I have a conversation with somebody, I may say their name here and there, but not with every line I speak.
Tina looks up to find no one with her. No ERIC, just an empty ominous kitchen. SILENT. TINA looks around as if she has just blinked back into reality.
FADE OUT
I would rewrite that:
Tina looks up to realize she's alone. No Eric.And don't FADE OUT at the end of a scene unless its necessary. And if you do FADE OUT at the end of a scene, the next scene you need to FADE IN again. But FADE OUT should only be at the end of a script really.
It's only 5 pages, so I'll give it a read and give you my opinion (hopefully you'll be around the boards to read this) but you really need to check out some scripts and learn the basics.