Answers by Simon K. Parker - Short, Horror - Working for a local well known gangster Til is used to getting answers from men who normally wouldn't talk. But the arrival of a new suspect will change everything and Til's poorly lived life will now catch up to him. 19 pages - pdf, format 8)

First let me say that this was a very interesting story.

You had me in the beginning I couldn't wait to get to the next page and so on.  But I'm afraid the story dragged big time when he called his ex girl.  The conversation between them felt pointless

I thought maybe she was going to give a clue as to why the strange stuff is happening to Til.  It felt real repeative.  At one point I thought I was reading the same thing twice.

In my opinion I think it could have been better if not gone the horror route.  But remember that's my opinion and it means nothing because its your story.

In all I think it was cool.  Started off hot but faded in the end.  Had some typos and stuff but that is nothing unless it fills the whole script.  The story is what counts at the end of the day.

You have something interesting here.  Keep at it.

Simon has posted a dozen scripts on the boards this year.  Despite this, he hasn't shown up to thank anyone for their reads, or to comment on anyone's scripts.  Given this, there's no reason to comment on his work.


Phil

Hello Simon

I read this yesterday, and I was hoping to be the first to comment, but the top two commenters beat me to it, lol.

I too, like EliteOutlaw, was originally drawn into your story from the beginning. But it started getting too stale for me during the conversation with the Brigitte. Definitely whittle down that conversation to something more concrete.

Your dialogue could use some work as well...it was an interesting read, and you definitely nailed the English dialogue a Russian would use, but still needs some more work. Also always recheck your script for spelling mistakes, as some people can easily be put off by it.

Hope you read this and comment back on some of the suggestions. Have a good one.

-Silva Sly-