Payback by Malcolm Bowman (scoob) - Horror - England, UK. A dystopian near future. An entrapped hitman fights to protect a teenage girl from a mysterious bloodthirsty cult whilst being pursued by a power mad crime lord. 98 pages - pdf, format 8)

The title reminds me of the very awesome 'Payback' with Mel Gibson and Gregg Henry.  Maybe consider a change?

To the writer, I think I'm familiar with your name (scoob) and your work, so I  will give this a read when I can get the chance.

Thank you Don for posting this script, I appreciate it.

Thanks Reaper550 for giving this a read. Very kind of you. Regarding the title - yes, I know, but it works. Lots of films share titles. Besides, this is only a "working title".

I wrote this a few years ago, got sidetracked, worked on a project for over a year, that seems to have been derailed, worked on some more ideas, went back to the project, that got sent to other writers, that kinda kills me, got drunk sent two scripts here :)

This needs work to say the least, I'm not even sure I like it myself, but it's a relief to just put this thing out there.

Hi  Scoob

I liked this script. Kept reading, so that must be a good thing.

Only two things:

(1) Check when "lays" must become "lies". I'm not a native American, but still check it!!

(2) Tell/show us... Who are the hooded men, where do they come from, what is their objective and what is their 'precise' relation to the main characters?

With Regards,

Rutger

Hi Rutger,

Thanks for reading, pleased you enjoyed what you read :)

Will recheck the lays and lies.

The hoods are the civilians of the town/city that have decided to strike back. If you mean the three "Supernatural hoods", was meant to be ambiguous. If not able to take it as ambiguous, look it at as the Devil's messengers getting their revenge on humanity by turning everyone into a murderer, which would be the Devil's ultimate revenge on God.  I know I cut some scenes out, but I think I left the scene where the gathered crowd are all faceless and have become one...

I don't want to insult anyone's intelligence, I think I pushed that during the previous 98 pages,  so it's kinda left up in the air as to what you want to make of it.


Cheers,

Malc