Barnyard Terror by Chris H - Horror -  During the spring of 1985 on a small chicken farm, the family chickens are fed an experimental feed. After a series of unavoidable events the chickens become powerful and aggressive towards their human oppressors. Mike and his buddy must fight off the murderous hoards to save themselves, their friends and all of humanity. 98 pages - pdf, format 8)

Huh. First we get killer beavers, now... chickens?

I'll be honest man, I dig the premise. Horror films with crazy killers are always fun, at least for me.

But, I was disappointed when I opened this and read the first paragraph. There are mistakes everywhere, mostly with grammar... doesn't even seem like English is your first language.

Seriously, nobody's gonna read your script if you have so many glaring errors. If you really care about improving you should either spend more time proofreading or get somebody else to look over it if grammar isn't your strong point. 'Cause this ain't gonna cut it.

Dialogue's pretty on the nose as well. And you have a lot of big action paragraphs that could be broken up. Get more white space on the page.

Sorry Chris, but I'm out on the first page. But I really hope you clean this up and submit again, because like I said before... the premise could be awesome if done correctly.

Good luck.

Will

Yeah, as Will said...not good, bro.  I opened this up before Will's feedback hit and I baled long before I got through page 1.