The Werewolf of Paris by James Jeffrey Paul - Horror - This is the adaptation of a classic horror novel that is (as far as I or others can ascertain) in the public domain.  In many people's minds, it is the greatest work on lycanthropy ever written.121 pages
- pdf, format 8)

James,

I made it to page 3 and then you used the word, "hear" when you should have used "here".

There are several things you need to address in these first 3 pages.

• Your title page doesn't need all the fine print at the bottom.
  
• The first two lines of your script could be written:  "SUPER:  Paris, 1925"  You may want to write, OVER BLACK, first to make sure that people know it's...over black.
  
• There's no need to fade out just to fade in.  Simply writing, FADE IN:, would suffice.  
  
• Your first slug line should be, INT. STUDY-DAY.  You don't need to add, LIVING ROOM, the Narrator doesn't show up until later, the fact that this is his apartment isn't something you're showing, and unless it's critical to the story, you don't need to be too specific with the time of day.
  
• Tell me what's wrong with this sentence:  "A young, rather pretty, and very bored young woman, ELIANE, is lounging on the sofa."  I'll give you a clue.  It rhymes with young.  How young is a "young young" woman?  To me a "young young" woman is 4.  It's kind of creepy that a 30 year old man is hanging out with a 4 year old girl.
  
• You also write with a passive voice.  Don't say that Eliane "is lounging" on the sofa.  Say that "Eliane lounges on the sofa"  or "rests on the sofa", or "lies on the sofa".  Try to avoid using the word "is" followed by a word ending in "ing".
  
• On a side note, try to avoid using adverbs ending in "ly".  If someone "walks quickly" say "runs" or "trots" or "hustles".  Get the idea?
  
• The Narrator and Friend need names and exact ages.  There's nothing wrong with naming the friend "Steve".  And it's okay to say that he's 30.  It's your story.  If Steve is 30, then say he's 30.  You don't need to waste valuable space saying that the friend is "in his late twenties or early thirties".  
  

That's enough for now.

Jordan