I Wish… by Sean Halket - Short - A story of what ifs. 20 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey Sean.

20 pages?  It's only five.

Nice little story here with no talk and all walk.  Well paced and detailed.  Some things you can get rid of are the "CUT TO's" and the numbers on the scenes.  Neither are necessary.

The dance number at the end of the first scene was a bit funny to me.  It's nice to see a couple of characters just shut up and DANCE!  Haha.

I kinda knew where this was going halfway through but I still enjoyed the read.  Overall a good story, especially without a single word of dialogue, well done.  Keep up the good work.

Johnny

Brings to mind a B&W perfume commercial.
If you want to get someones attention...whisper.

Too many "He" and "She's" for me but I can see what you're doing.

What kind of music? calliope, Jazz, big band?

M//