Roy Witch-Hunter by Tor Cumberbatch - Short, Horror - A man that hunts witches. - pdf, format 8)

This was a OWC entry that got DQ'd.  But I forgot why.

Seeing as it got DQ'd I had to have a look. Not the best decision I've ever made.

For some reason there's a blank page a few pages in.

There's an awful lot of telling going on, and camera directions. None of them helped. Quite a few flashbacks too. There's a lot of talk about witches but no real action.

And then it just stops and says 'to be continued'.

All that sounds harsh. The writer can obviously write quite well but this doesn't really go anywere. Just when it's about to it stops.

Hi Tor

I'm afraid I'm going to have to agree with rendevous on this one. You got me hooked the first few pages, but as I read on, I also felt that the story really wasn't going anywhere at all. You seem very good at being descriptive, but sometimes, a little bit too much. As well, is this script supposed to be a TV pilot, or a short feature? Seems strange to put "To Be Continued" on a short script.

PROS:
Story started out great. I got drawn into Roy's world with his obsession with witches. Great work transitioning between his lecture and a glimpse of his witch hunting methods to further elaborate on what he is trying to teach the students.

CONS:
No resolution to your story. The ending didn't quite measure up to that cliffhanger moment. It just kind of stopped, and that was it. I rarely comment on formatting, as story matters most to me, but I would also omit all the camera angles and the cuts. Also maybe skim through your descriptions for inconsistencies e.g in various parts, you shift from present tense to past tense.

I think this script has really great potential, but I would advice finishing the script first completely before posting it up again. Looking forward to reading the finished product. Have a good one :)

-Silva Sly-

What does "DQ'd" mean.

Quoted from ElijahKay What does "DQ'd" mean.

Disqualified