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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Scripts / The Shadow of Ozion
Posted by: Don, November 17th, 2013, 1:31pm
The Shadow of Ozion by Navinder Singh - Short, Drama, Thriller - Upon discovering he has a brain tumor and less than a year to live, an alcoholic seeks out his old college roommate and tries to wreck his marriage because he’s still in love with him. - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: Levon, November 28th, 2013, 2:41pm; Reply: 1
Hi, Navinder.
You say this is a short, but it's 54 pages long. That's quite a loose definition of 'short' you got there.
Is the whole script in bold?
Avoid putting in camera directions like 'Angle on'. Unless this is a shooting script and you're the director, i'd just leave them out.
A couples of "we's" floating about.
Some punctuation errors like missing full stops floating about too.
I only read a couple of pages because you incorrectly categorised the script as a short.
Posted by: RegularJohn, November 28th, 2013, 8:22pm; Reply: 2
Hey Navinder.
A lot of camera directions and direction shots in these opening pages. As a spec script, you'll be better off leaving those things out and stick with getting the story across. The CAMERA POV at page three is okay but the rest I would cut out. I feel it ruins the flow of the story but that's just my opinion.
I see your "bump" comment above so I'm guessing you're really wanting some more reviews. I can say that this site is a give-and-take community. If you're after reviews, try giving a few and you'll see that members here will be much more inclined to help you out. Wish you the best.
Johnny
Posted by: Guest, November 29th, 2013, 7:43pm; Reply: 3
I actually like the "bold" look.
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