Friends by Miranda - Short, Romance - Miranda and Dylan are both college student's in New York City. They are best friends. Even though Miranda has a boyfriend they start to fall for each other and make questionable decisions. 28 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hi, Miranda.

First off, your scenes don't have slugs. Instead of 'SCENE 2: CAFE GRUMPY', it should be 'INT/EXT. CAFE GRUMPY - DAY/NIGHT'. Obviously, you need to pick either Interior (INT) or Exterior (EXT) and if it's day or night.

'DYLAN AND MIRANDA’S NEW YORK ADVENTURE' - I don't what that's about. I thought the script was called 'Friends'?

Chill out with the parentheses'. You should only really use them when you absolutely have to and in not so much detail as you have here.

I won't go into too much detail on the formatting but there are quite a few issues here... read up on how to correctly format a script and/or read other scripts on the site.

Also noticed some major spelling and grammatical mistakes - always double check!
I don't know if English is your first language 'cause sentence structure is too, all over the shop. If it isn't, I'd seriously suggest mastering the language before attempting to write a script in it...

I won't repeat myself with all the numerous formatting, spelling, grammatical, and sentence structure flops, but seriously, no one's gonna go past the first page if they notice simple mistakes like the ones in here.

As for the story, a little too lovey-dovey for me. Honestly, it bored me. The characters just seemed so dull, the story was going nowhere. It had a 'been there, done that' feel. I just had to get out on page 4.

Hope I helped. Keep writing and have fun. :)

This comes across as quite European, but as Levon's noted, it needs something to make the story more interesting. The woman left crying could be used as a focus for debate and philosophizing, but is left undeveloped.

Key visual features need to be better used, and need to relate to your two key characters. I don't get why the acting comes in; if they are going to a museum then that can relate to what one of them does, but we'd need to learn a little more about them as they visit -- it needs to open up some intrigue, and make the characters more interesting.

I think it could film nicely, and there is a light touch to it, but it needs a little more to draw our attention.

And the formatting does need looking at & there's lots of resources on the web to help with that.

Hey Miranda-

Read the first 5 pages. I think the "we're just friends" storyline could be delivered in 2 pages with the use of a montage, then you could get into their real feelings and the consequences quicker. Not sure where that begins in the script, but IMO it dragged getting there.

Otherwise, I like the premise, and thought the dialogue was generally realistic.

Good luck.

-Bogey

Hey Miranda;

Well, I gave this script a boo, all the way to the end actually. I'm not a big 'Chick Flick' fan, but I thought I'd give a go.

One thing I liked about it was the way you incorporate all the supple nuances of a relationship that can make a movie 'fun and lively', however, most of that chemistry can be captured by the actors portraying the roles, simply by being human, so you should keep it to a minimum within the script.

Why does Miranda stick her tongue out so much...is she a reptile? LOL

Try to refrain from embedding action within the dialogue unless it directly pertains to the character speaking at the time. For eg:

DYLAN:
It’s what happens. People fight...
(The man takes the umbrella
and walks away from the crying
woman)
and break up. It’s the circle of
relationships.

This does not work in terms of dialogue because the action of the 'man walking away from the woman' has nothing to do with Dylan.

I believe Levon already went into depth about the other formatting issues, so I'll leave it at that.

BTW, I searched 'Christmas on the River' that Miranda spoke about, and it sounds like a fun time and place for the timid couple to have another adventure, let us know when that scripts up and ready to go, till then...take care.