On Hold by Samuel  Vachon - Short, Romantic, Drama - Mat has stood by watching while his love of his life slipped out of his grasp.   16 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey Samuel;

SPOILER ALERT:

OK, I I gave it a read, however, something's amiss. This dude has been dead for 6 months and he's still mulling over this Amy chick? I think it's time for him to move on, apparently she has.

The story line could still work, but removing the intro scene where she's banging some other guy, and just have the script play out in one night might work better. Then this 'ethereal voice over' could be describing an event that just took place while his corpse is still fresh... make for a surreal ending.

Some formatting artifacts that threw me off as well, including typos;

SUPPER: 6 MONTHS BACKWARDS
Typical day for people to go shopping, going in with a list
and coming out with a cart filled with goods.

What exactly would 'Supper: 6 Months Backwards' taste like? Apparently the scene took place in a Walmart to boot, therefore I'm assuming he's gathering a laundry list of ingredients for this retrograde Creole gumbo?

All in all, I liked this. It's been played out before... Vis-à-vis 'American Beauty', but it's still cool to see someone put a personal twist on it.

Take care...