Vermilion Gate by Pablo Nadal - Short, Sci Fi, Action, Adventure - By any concept joint the two sides of the scroll or you’ll open the doors of evil." This is a warning for all those who find the scroll that opens a gate to a world of mean creatures, unfortunately it's open, and only Michael Hazard and a group of people can stop them. 67 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hi, Pablo.

Before I even opened this, I notice it's under 'short', but it has 67 pages. Usually, one page equals one minute in screen time so let's just say this is a 67 minute film. That's not short enough for a short, or long enough for a feature.

Onto the script...

I can see you've made some attempt to format it correctly but it's off. There is free screenwriting software floating about. Try Celtx or Trelby. On the off chance that you don't know how to format a script, just Google it, read other scripts, buy books on it etc.

'A red and black motorcycle stops in front of a house and one person gets down of it. When the person removes the helmet we see the face of a pretty Japanese woman called Hiyoko. In the right hand she carries an elegant katana and jumps above the wall surrounding the house.'

This is very overwritten.

- We don't need to know the colour of the motorcycle, unless it's really important.
- We can tell by the slug that it's in front of a house so you don't need to tell us that.
- 'One person gets down of it'. Maybe just tell us there's one person riding it?
- First time a character is introduced, their name should be in caps.
- You need to tell us the age of Hiyoko too.
- It doesn't matter what hand she's carrying the katana in, just tell us she holds a katana.
- In general, it just needs to be condensed.

Something like this could be more effective..

' A motorcycle comes to a stop. HIYOKO, a pretty Japanese woman, dismounts. She unsheathes an elegant katana and jumps the wall '

That's cut your description in half, whilst pretty much saying the same thing.

Skimming through, I notice some passive writing 'A man IS preparing a sandwich', as opposed to 'A man prepares a sandwich'.

Overimposed. I'm sure this probably is a word, but I think the term you were looking for is 'Superimpose'.

I don't think numbering of the scenes is really necessary, unless this is a shooting script.

I'd recommend reading a lot of other scripts, and perhaps getting involved in reviewing other people's scripts. It's definitely helped me a lot.

Hope this helped.

Lee