Date by Josh Schwartz - Short, Comedy - A naive man asks a female co-worker for dating advice. 6 pages - pdf, format 8)

Again, the same issues with your writing.

However, this story is a little better handled. Should probably be a little shorter, but it has a little twist. You can see it coming if you've seen it before, as I have... it's based off a very old joke. But that doesn't matter.

Again, if you took the profanity out, this could be a good film for young adults.

You have things you want to say with your writing, a message you want to share, that's a good thing. You just need to get better at delivering it. It will come. Keep trying.

Not trying to make a "film". This is an absurdist comedy sketch. I'm shooting it shortly. I'll send it your way so you can understand the vibe.

A sketch on film is a short film. or even film sketch if you prefer. The word comedy is superfluous as 'sketch' already defines the subject as humorous.

I understand the vibe... I just think it suits adolescents more as they will relate.

A nice little sketch, the could be a Monty Python homage if you make it a bit more absurd, and I say that in a nice way; absurd can be really funny.

I smiled at the bar mitzvah joke and I didn't see the twist until just before it happened.

Good luck filming this. :-)

Mark

I don't have much to add.  

It needs to be tightened up a bit, but other than that, it was an easy read that gave me a slight chuckle.

I was waiting for Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman to show up.

Jordan

So I'm asuming you're new to screenwriting given all of your -ing verbs. In short, don't use -ing verbs. Instead of "Wendy is working," write "Wendy works."

Also you forgot your FADE IN:

Try not to use -ly adverbs.

Beats are not pauses. Common misconception.

(writes) is not a parenthetical.

Is this guy so stupid that he doesn't know what love means? How'd he even get a job in the first place?

Bar Mitzvah joke is a little clever. Best thing so far about the script (currently on page 3/4)

(skeptical) is not a parenthetical either.

Ending's not bad either.

I actually like the concept of this but the dialogue is way too conventional. Also, Stan would probably stumble a bit at the end.

My best advice for you? Naivity doesn't equal stupidity.

Not a bad effort. Work on your formatting. Should be easy to film.

Thanks for the input. I am very new to screenwriting. I shoot most of my sketches myself so my scripts are really just for me and correct formatting isn't super important to me. As for the guy with a job not knowing about love... i completely agree with how absurd it is... but thats my style... complete absurdity.

Well get into the habit of correct formatting...unless you're the only one who will ever film you work. You never know who is reading your screenplays. Made some pretty substantial connections on this site alone.

But that's not absurd. That's just being stupid. Absurd is a guy thinking that love means dropping acid and p issing on a duck. Furthermore, if that is your definition of absurd, then it's pretty standard. If you want to make it wacky, make it wacky.

Hey Josh;

Similiar to your script 'Corrupt', this put me in mind of a 'Kids in the Hall' skit. I don't know... Je ne sais quoi?

Many still think they're the best sketch comedy group that ever came about. Simply because they liked to push it as far as the broadcasting stations would let them... and they got away with some pretty 'racy' themes in their time.

I'm thinking, if you rehash these mini skits, and pushed the envelope on the satire, these scripts could be something unique and original.

Unless you're not a fan of the 'Kids in the Hall'? Then this would be bad advise. LOL

Take care... Rick.

I liked this.  Stan is just too fucking stupid, though. haha.  I kind of pictured Seth Rogan or Jonah Hill saying the lines.

If you were going for over the top, keep it.

If not, scale back on Stan's stupidity.

Maybe you could have Stan ask all these inquiring questions about where to take his "date" and then after Wendy makes a few suggestions, have Stan turn around and ask her to go and do all those things with him.  I don't know.  Something like that.

Good luck with filming it!  8)



--Steve

I think the more stupid Stan is the better, sketches should be over the top.

i agree. i actually thought it was funny...stan was funny hahah. but yea again work on formatting and good luck shooting

ugo

My comments seem academic if you've filmed this. It did make me laugh.

Any danger of it appearing any time soon?