Put Away by Simon - Short, Drama - A violent shut-in buys himself a wife. 14 pages - pdf, format 8)

The main character Stan is too unlikable. To have him buy a wife and then abuse her doesn't give any reason to empathize with him. Perhaps if we knew more of his past or events that led him to being violent, it may be easier to understand this character.

Not bad. The story needs more and your writing is not up to scratch but all of that can be improved upon with another draft.

I wouldn't worry about making main characters likeable. The likeable character in this is Olga... and she wins, so it's all good. However the story needs more to work properly. As it stands with just the cleaning, I don't feel is enough.

Hey Simon;

This was disturbing, I had some gnarly pangs for that Olga bride, but as Dustin and Julie have both mentioned... there's something missing.

The whole rigmarole of this dude simply abusing a mail order maid is too obtuse.

The good news is; this guy’s condition seems to resonate with a neurosis called 'Hoarding', which could open up a whole new can of worms to build a 3 dimensional character if you researched that disorder.

Perhaps having him freak out on her, not only to have the place cleaned, but freak out on her every time she does throw away something, simply because he has this bizarre condition of not wanting to let anything be thrown out as well... cuckoo.

Deep seated psychological issues that come to the forefront of his ramblings with every item that he has hoarded over the years, driving Olga insane beyond the concept of the obvious situation.

Anyways, hope this helps... Rick.

stan is fucked up!! the guy is right needs more back story. maybe explore the relationship with him and his son about the restaurant. iono just my suggestion.

good luck

ugo...