Gods Waiting Room by Richard Silvester - Short, Drama - Going to your own funeral can be fun. 13 pages - pdf, format 8)

Richard,

Is don't know if you're around, but I saw this got no reads so I took a look. And it's obvious why it got no reads.

Unless you're filming this yourself, then you can lose the early camera directions you have. But even that is not consistent as you did away with those as the story went on.

This was hard to read as a script. Your action blocks read much more like prose, like a short story. So that's how I approached it and got through to the end. Your use of flashbacks was confusing as there were so many of them. But the gist, I guess, is that this guy Albert worked in a funeral home and died trying to move something on Victoria's gravesite. I dunno. Like I said, hard to follow this. And in the end everyone in the church were ghosts? Again, just couldn't grasp it.

You need to figure out if this is a script or a short story. As a script this doesn't work because your formatting is way off and confusing.

Best advice, read other scripts around here. See how it's done, then try it again. Or just make it a short story. Either way, your story needs to be much clearer for it to have a chance at being effective...and readable.

Steve

It's also a dead give away when the writer can't spell his own title correctly.

It's "God's", not "Gods".

Very poor...