Roughneck Emperor by Phillip Richards (prwriter) - Drama - The story of a ruthless oil mogul during the boom years in Oklahoma.  111 pages - pdf, format 8)

Phillip,

I made it to page 5 and then stopped because it's written in the style of a shooting script, not a spec script.

A few notes:

• You need a left justified FADE IN:
  
• You need to have SUPERIMPOSE: or SUPER: to show text on screen indicating what year it is.
  
• Your character introduction should read, "CLIFF BAILEY, 18,..."
  
• Don't use the present progressive tense:  "is peering".  Just say, "Cliff peers over a bush".
  
• Your dialogue and action lines are overwritten.
  
• Lose the camera directions.

This reads more like a novel than a script.  Read more scripts, comment on the boards, and you'll be writing like a pro in just a few short decades like the rest of us.

Jordan

This is a revised draft I did subsequent to Jordan's critique.