The Long Halloween by JD Spivey (lspivey87) - Action, Adventure - A heroic outlaw is called out of prison to find the person who has stolen his identity and murdered innocent victims. 121 pages - pdf, format 8)

JD, I tried to give this a read but your writing is very stunted and awkward, hard to read.

You have odd character names and intros.  Writing is so far from visual.

Needs alot of work, but this is the place to learn everything you need to know.  Jump in and review others work and get to know some peeps here. Ask questions and never give up.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but you need to know when your writing doesn't work.  Hope this helps some.

Take care.

"Large airplane, Red carpet treatment. Glitz and glamor. Flashing of hundreds of cameras." This reads very disjointed to me. Why not just let it flow in one sentence? For example, "A wealthy QUEEN steps off her royal plane onto red carpet surrounded by hundreds of flashing cameras." Unless these are supposed to be specific shots. But I prefer less direction in my screenplays as do a lot of others.

Why is the queen throwing orange peels? Why would she even have them? Is this a symbolic ritual I've never heard of? And why are there dirty peasants nearby if this is supposed to be a glitzy and glamorous occasion? How did they get there? I would think they would be worth a mention in the scene description as they would surely stand out.

Nolan/Mr.Perfect? Pick one.

Your characters need descriptions, Tall? Fat? Ugly? Scarred? Age? All you give us is names. I can't visualize them because you haven't done so either.

The queen spits gum into somebody's hand???? When she is surrounded by cameras? This is surely not royal behavior, its almost unbelievable.

On top of that there are many little typos. I meant to skim the first ten pages and could only make it to the end of page 1. Lots of work to do. The formatting seems alright though so that a plus.

JD,

Sorry,  unreadable.


Tony.

I also had trouble reading it.  Sorry.  I did try...

...just based on the title, I thought this might be a fan script for Batman: The Long Halloween.  So I wanted to give it a glance.

Good luck in your future writing endeavors:)