Bedlam by Norman Harris - Sci Fi, Fantasy - The discovery of an ancient alien technology sets off a chain of events that brings the world and its inhabitants to the brink of destruction. 117 pages - pdf, format 8)

The first page wasn't so bad. Well, till about halfway through then this justifed text business kicked it, which made it extremely difficult to read.

I've been called old fashioned, and frankly a lot worse, but I still say having the text flush on the left is the right way. It ain't a newspaper.

R

Hi Norman,

Right from the start of the script you have the voice of a child using adult words.  How exactly is this shown? If it is meant to be a voice over black then you should indicate it as such. Otherwise,  I would recommend removing it.

You begin with a deep space slugline and a date. Why is the date important? And if it is then you should show the date as a SUPER so the audience can see it.

A star in deep space,  yet it passes the moon and arrives at Earth? If it is a star then the moon and Earth are toast. The gravitational issues would be Armageddon. A light from a space craft may be more of what yoir looking for.

You are using "continuous" in your sluglines. I'm pretty sure that doesn't belong in there nor does most camera directions in a spec script unless it is entirely necessary to move your action forward. And then it should be used sparingly.

By the second and third page your actilon blocks start to read sloppy. I love Sci-fi and you may have a good story here but until you clean up the script I doubt many will experience it.

Good luck with the script.

Tony.

Quoted from TonyDionisio You are using "continuous" in your sluglines. I'm pretty sure that doesn't belong in there nor does most camera directions in a spec script unless it is entirely necessary to move your action forward. And then it should be used sparingly.

I don't usually go around correcting people, especially not on here, but you're way off. There's nothing wrong with using 'continuous' in slug lines in spec scripts. It's not always necessary but it's not wrong.
Anyways, that's among the least of the problems.

I always like to think there may be a good story lurking in there and format isn't everything. It takes a while but it's not that hard to learn. Norman needs to get the format of this a lot closer to the accepted.

There's the stuff here and here that may help

R

rendevous is right

If the scene is moving from one location to another in real time, 'continuous' is actually the correct way to show the scene is continuing but in a different location.

If they were in the same location but moving within that location to different areas, you could use a mini-slug and do not need to show it's still 'continuous'.
Example-

INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
She slowly walks into the hallway.

HALLWAY
To see the masked intruder wearing her Sponge Bob panties  ;)

You know it’s happening within the same time frame so it’s not necessary to say it.

But in the opening sequence of bedlam, it depicts different physical locations, but the story is happening in real time.

Shawn.....><

What if you have another scene that is occurring at the same time, but in a different part of town?  How would you format that?


--Steve

If they are happening at EXACTLY THE SAME TIME, I believe a SPLIT SCREEN or an INTERCUT.

If it is in real time, then the same applies.  'Continuous' between the scenes.

Shawn.....><

If it's happening at the same time you can use SAME.  As for CONTINUOUS it is allowed in sluglines,  I stand corrected.

However,  most spec scripts should be written clearly enough to understand the writers intentions. If not, you may have other problems to worry about.

I think if the first scene is say DAY and the next scene is not,  say a different time (such as night) then it is assumed the scenes are continuing unless otherwise specified.

Tony.