Seraphim by Graham (inspectorjavert) - Series, Supernatural/Drama - Angels come to a small North Carolina town to hunt a demon. When one of them is discovered two high school students find themselves on the front line of an ancient war. 63 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hi Graham,

Html format is not choice for Screenwriting.  I would suggest investing in a way to distribute your hard work in PDF.

You are blitzing your readers with 'we see' - bad idea.

Most readers will agree...

"we see" = "we close"

Gl with the script.

Tony

Thank you for the advice, I am thinking of entering this in the Final Draft competition , do you have any advice of what I can replace "we see" with? Thank you

You don't need to replace it with anything...

For example:

"WE SEE a FIGURE walk towards the corpse."

Can easily be:

"A FIGURE walks towards the corpse."

Reads much cleaner and takes up less space :)

Hi, Graham.
It's hard to point anything out in your script as there are no page numbers. There are no pages. You should click on save as PDF and save it as PDF. If you don't have that option - go to print, then "PRINT to PDF".

Your first scene heading is wrong. It should be "Park in Cedar Falls", no "A" - just like you did the "car" heading.

What's ACT 2 ACT 1? You have them right after the teaser.

I liked the teaser very much but you need to post PDF if you want it to be read. And, like Toby and Tony said - deffinitely get rid of the we's. Good luck to you with the rewrite.

It took awhile but I finally made the format changes. Thanks again for all your help