Second Life by Lau Ghiran - Sci Fi, Fantasy - In a morning a man wakes up and finds that all is wrong around him is wrong. Tries to reach his girlfriend which is kidnapped and taken to a secret building. following her there, finds that the mankind was destroyed and they are clones of original them made by a scientist and a super computer which wanted to rebirth human race. 96 pages - pdf, format 8)

I don't need to read your script since you tell me everything in the log line.

This sounds a little too much like 'Oblivion' with Tom Cruise and Tom Cruise and Tom Cruise.

Ah, I think I've read one of your scripts before, Lau.  You have the note on the title page that there's "something interesting" at the end.  

There's a blank page at the end.  

Is that the interesting thing?  Is there a message hidden on that last page that can only be seen during a blood moon?  Do I have to drip lemon juice on my monitor and hold a candle to it to activate the invisible ink?  Is there a stereogram on the last page that reveals a 3D image of a naked Bea Arthur?  Please say "yes."

Hmm...Well I read the first page of your script and I'm pretty sure that English isn't your primary language.  I think I said the same thing for your other script.  While your English is far better than my (insert your language here), you still have a ways to go to be fluent enough to write a script.

Let's examine a line from your script:

Quoted from Script The driver's door opens and from the car gets out DANIEL, early thirties, black hair and expansive suit.

Your sentence structure reads like it went through Google Translate.  And what's an "expansive" suit?  Is Daniel a very large man or did you mean "expensive"?

I probably should have stopped with your log line due to the myriad errors littered throughout it, but I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt.

Keep writing.

Jordan

Yes. It's true that I'm not an english man and I use Google Translate when I'm writing. I write directly in english and where is need I use Google. Through this I'm trying to improve my English. That blank page is the result of conversion so there is no need for you to be sarcastic  :).
I stated above that blank page what I'm trying to do so read it, help me to help or leave it. It's simple. B.T.W It's working.
I admit that are a lot of errors but I will do better in the future. I'm just at the begining ;).
Anyway, thank you for your thoughts and I apologize if I offended you or anyone who will read it.

Hi Lau,

It's great that you are learning English and trying to improve your writing. Keep it up!

But Screenplay writing is a rule-infested animial of its own and not a great place to practice a new language.  That being said, is there a market for multi-language scripts? It's 2014, I would hope so. If not, maybe you can collaborate your idea with someone else.

Gl with your script.

Tony

Well. Has worked so far. From my stories I have gathered 1957 euros and 354 dollars for my foundation. It means that are people that ignores errors from scripts and want to help. I'll try to be better of course and I believe that doing two things at a time helps me achieve what I want.
Thank you for your good thoughts.

You guys missed the part beyond the blank page where LauGhiran asks for money.

No offense, but we're all writers here Lau. No one here is going to give you money so you can continue to write. We all want to tell stories. Why do you think we're here? And your special message to "hatters"...I think you mean "haters".

Good luck with your writing and trying to get money from total strangers.

Quoted from LauGhiran Well. Has worked so far. From my stories I have gathered 1957 euros and 354 dollars for my foundation. It means that are people that ignores errors from scripts and want to help. I'll try to be better of course and I believe that doing two things at a time helps me achieve what I want. Thank you for your good thoughts.

You've made a couple of K from begging... not from telling stories. Little better than a 90-page email from a Nigerian. I couldn't read it, and I did try.

Why don't you write in your own language if all you want to do is write stories? What you've written here is nowhere near good enough. I'm sure your own country would be appreciative of an English-speaking writer, so why not try in your own country? Make it big, then go to America.

Quoted from LauGhiran Well. Has worked so far. From my stories I have gathered 1957 euros and 354 dollars for my foundation. It means that are people that ignores errors from scripts and want to help. I'll try to be better of course and I believe that doing two things at a time helps me achieve what I want. Thank you for your good thoughts.

What? Nobody's donated any bitcoins? Tragic.