Trinket by Ron Maede - Thriller - A middle-aged unemployed man has his life turned upside-down when his reincarnated self comes to him from the future and starts giving him career and life advice. Unfortunately, he learns too late that she is totally insane. 95 pages - pdf, format 8)

Read the first eight pages.  This is clever writing thus far.  Excellent dialogue, nice set up with Trinket.  I like her already.  Hopefully I'll get back to the story later if the writer actully shows up.

Quoted from NickSedario Read the first eight pages.  This is clever writing thus far.  Excellent dialogue, nice set up with Trinket.  I like her already.  Hopefully I'll get back to the story later if the writer actully shows up.

I read the first 11. It's good. Dialogue is nice. Scarce writing, makes for an easy and fast read but I kind of feel you lose on flavor a bit. I think the writer could "jazz it up" a bit. All in all good so far.

Up to page 25.

Witty dialogue. I like the main character. Good scene with the bouncer but maybe a bit long and not really necessary. But, witty stuff.

Thanks for taking a look guys!

Any feedback is welcome!

Quoted from conwall Thanks for taking a look guys! Any feedback is welcome!

Now's a bad time due to the OWC.  Best advice I can give you is to read and comment on other people's scripts, then they'll hopefully retrun the favor.  Quid pro quo.

Best

Hey just finished reading. Very cool, very quirky. The writing is very short and snappy with the exception that some of the dialogue can be a little long-winded at times. For example, the first scene goes on a little long and more could be said with less.

There's a lot of witty stuff in here though and you have a unique style of writing. Congrats on completing a good feature-length script. I reckon a lot of hard work went into this.

One thing that concerns me is the words-to-whitespace ratio. It's a very, very 'loose' script and coming in at 95 pages I wonder how many 'minutes' of content are actually there. Especially given that it is very dialogue-heavy and I imagine most of the dialogue would be delivered quickly, matching the fast pace of the story.

Also, I feel the ending could use a bit of clarification. I'm not entirely sure I understood it correctly. I surmise you're not an author that likes to spoon-feed and that's great. I hate when things are dumbed down. But I feel clarity in the ending is absolutely essential for people to be satisfied with your story.

You have a great sense of humor and a wonderful writing style. All-in-all, I'm impressed. Keep it up!

Thanks for all the feedback, guys. Especially Andy JW!

TRINKET won 3rd Place at the Story Pros competition this year, and I'm currently in the top-ten at the Austin Film Fest.

I'm pretty stoked.

Packing my bags and hoping to meet up with you all when I get there!