One Afternoon by Anthony Nelson - Short, Romance - Love is elusive and fleeting and everywhere. - pdf, format 8)

Hi Anthony,
Mind telling me what the story is about? Your logline doesn't let me know if I want to read it or not.

Tony

Hi Anthony,

Yes, the logline is important. A lot of people in this business look at the title and the logline first. If they can’t work out what the script is about, if it doesn’t sound interesting, doesn’t grip them; they don’t read it.

I read on anyway :-)

I don’t know what COLD OPEN means. Most scripts start with FADE IN but if anyone wants to enlighten me further please do.

Your description of Rachel is a bit awkward but I think you are on the right track.

Parentheticals don’t start with a capital letter it’s (into phone) not (Into phone) and you use them sparingly. You only use them if it’s not obvious from the action what the actor is doing or how they are speaking from the dialogue. If there are a lot, and you find yourself repeating them, either you don’t need them or the rest of the script needs work.

The PHONE isn’t a character so you shouldn’t present it as such.

Nelson – the character description could be trimmed but the main problem with his introduction is he walks around three different locations under one scene heading; it’s not formatted correctly.

I only made it to page 2, sorry. There’s too many formatting issues which suggest you have not studied screenplays enough. I did glance through the rest and noticed camera shots and sound effects in as well.  These are usually not present in a script unless essential to the story and no other way to show it to the audience. They do get added at the end in a shooting script but that’s a long way off.

I would suggest reading scripts, there’s a lot freely available on the simply scripts main website and also getting hold of some free ‘How to Write a Screenplay’ type tutorials on the web.

Best of luck for the future and keep on writing. The only difference between an amateur writer and a professional is the professional never gave up; that’s what I tell myself anyway lol.

Not sure Anthony's about. It happens. Some people post a script to be never heard of again. Like that tv remote I had in Newcastle.

Never seen Cold Open in to start a script before. Kinda like it but it's not how to start.

Let's see if Anthony shows. Otherwise we're talking to each other.

R

Hey, Anthony Nelson - how's Jeannie?!  ;D

That aside, to you guys who haven't heard of a 'cold open' it dates back to the 60s & maybe even earlier, and was a device used to keep the viewer from switching channels.

A cold open is most commonly used for spec TV Pilots and soap operas and the like but is also used in a variety of different ways - sometimes with or without a voice over, as a teaser of sorts - lets the viewer know what they can expect to see further into the ep. or saw in the last ep i.e., recap and is used primarily to hook the audience at the start - and then bang, into the opening credits.

Action/adventure movies commonly use them too - James Bond movies often use a 'cold open' with the hero having a dramatic confrontation with baddies and those particular baddies might or might not reappear again. It sets the pace.

A quick scan of this script reveals the Cold Open doesn't seem to apply here. A normal  FADE IN would be more appropriate.

Thanks LC - That's what I like about these forums, I'm always learning. :-)