Claus: Christmas Commando by Roland S.C. - Short, Action, Comedy - It's like Rambo. Only with Santa Claus 19 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey everyone. Roland here. Wrote this a year or two ago, hence the now out-of-date Gangnam Style reference. Not sure if this is noticeable in the script, but this came from an idea I had for a feature length, which I then pared down to 18 pages.

Enjoy!

EDIT: There's a 404 error...

404 fixed

Don

Hey Roland,

So is this Thanksgiving Day or Christmas Eve? Santa's end dialogue had me confused.

This story is pretty f-ing hilarious! From the title I figured what would happen, but the way you went about it was so absurd and zany, I found myself laughing out loud more than a few times. You should find a better way to deliver the Black Friday line, but it was still good.

Writing needs tightening all around. It's not poorly written, just a combination of overwriting and long passages that give the shots clunky presentation.

Overall, I really liked the story. Best of luck, welcome to the site.

Johnny