Captain John Brown by Samuel Theodros - Drama - John Brown, a passive farmer, evolves to become a radical abolitionist who goes to extreme lengths to hasten the end of slavery. 104 pages - pdf, format 8)

Read a bit of this yesterday. As I am an American history teacher I found this script interesting in its subject. Your formatting is about right. I found some small typos here and there, die instead of dye for example. The biggest problem is your dialogue. Lots of meaningless back and forth that doesn't advance the story or build much character. Late in, early out. In the first thirteen pages you cold cut out ALOT of the dialogue but still keep the spirit of your story. It might even make your images more poignant if they were straight to the point.

But my biggest concern is your treatment of John Brown. John Brown is a very controversial figure in American history and I could tell right away what slant this script would have from the title and first page. But you are too heavy handed, too preachy in how you approach the material. In this script you depict Brown as a Jesus figure. He is a benevolent, doting father, that seems incapable of doing any wrong or harm. (Of course we know that will change) Everybody that is pro slavery is ugly, talks funny, or a murderer. I'm not saying slavery isn't a horrible thing, but your painting with very broad strokes here. Watch out for stereotypes.

Also John Brown is a very messed up individual and I don't see that at all. I would actually start with some scenes of Brown's childhood. His father was an ultra religious and abusive man who beat and whipped his son for the smallest infracture. He was abused not unlike a lot of the slaves at the time I would argue. (In his punishments, two very different things here I know) To my understanding Brown was also a drifting failure for much of his youth. He has major character faults. He is a fanatic. Borderline unstable abolitionist zealot. He is interesting. But at the beginning, when we meet him in your script he is none of this.
Kudos for tackling such a dense period of American history. I caught the little historical cameos you threw in but I would be weary of having too many of them unless these people were actually there with Brown at those times, but if he’s running into Abraham Lincoln and Harriet Beacher Stowe that may be a problem. I see what you’re trying to build with the sons. Lovejoy’s printing press is a nice historical inclusion. Brown’s reaction to it is not.

thank you for a read. It would be much more helpful if you pointed out passages of dialogue or pg numbers so I could look back and make edits.

To your second point, a biopic can only be so long so I chose only to focus on Brown's later years. I characterize Brown as a man who is willing to do anything to abolish slavery and display this towards the end with his killing of man in cold blood. Brown's status as a controversial figure is only for those weak at heart. The slant that I have is towards justice and Brown's willingness to sacrifice his life and life of his sons for greater cause.

Lastly, after Lovejoy's death Brown stated that he would dedicate his life to abolishing slavery. He obviously was not there but his reaction is completely justified in historical context.