All Bets Are Off by Ryan Printz - Short, Comedy, Drama - A hit-man and his intended target deal with an unforeseen circumstance. 6 pages - pdf, format 8)

p3 "under 6 feet of mud" or something but not desert. Otherwise it looks like he's going to be burried under 6 feet of cake (but I know you meant desert like Sahara desert)

I have believability issue here - Webb untied himself, yet he's not trying to strike Brooks - I think you need to say why. He looks at Brook's shovel? But he still can run away... Maybe Brooks trains a gun on Webb... I don't know.

Then, there's an explosion and yet again very little description of what happened. Then they start talking again - and all the info is related through dialog. Plus there's a lot of information.. I wish it was more cinematic and there was more explanation to what's happening.

Quoted from khamanna p3 "under 6 feet of mud" or something but not desert. Otherwise it looks like he's going to be burried under 6 feet of cake (but I know you meant desert like Sahara desert)

Hi khamanna... when speaking of the third course we utilise an extra 's'. So dessert is for the third course of a meal.... desert is a sandy place where camels live.

Hey Ryan -

LOVE the writing and the banter here; I think you could be on to the beginning of a great short script.

IMHO, however, it really fell off the rails after the explosion.  Not the explosion/event itself, but Booker's reaction to it.  Come on; the guy's a hit man and he's going to stop a job to go help others... risking everything?  That, and it seemed to end very vaguely.  Nothing resolved, with the characters in mid-action.

I do hope you revisit this one - I think it's worth it!

Ryan,

opened this up and it almost feels like there's pages missing.  is this it?  Maybe the wrong draft uploaded?  Just kind of ends...

Hi Ryan,

Good basis here as the dialogue is snappy and pulls you in BUT...

Why is he still alive? Practical hitman 101 would suggest that dead victims don't talk your ear off or untie themselves.
We're meant to believe a professional hitman ties someone up so poorly that they can untie themselves?
The plane crash - sorry a 747 explodes overhead and crashes into the ground... no one is alive as it's just fallen 20-30000 from the sky... maybe a bus or train crash could achieve the same thing but work in terms of survivors?

Like Steve I'm left feeling this is the start of a longer script? Maybe my comments above are covered in that version?

As I said, like the banter and I think there's something here but needs some additional thought.

Anthony