Apocrypha by Mishelle Wendel - Thriller - When Jonas Montgomery wakes up three hours after his execution by lethal injection, Special Investigator Emma Landry probes an exorcism the Church claims never happened. 105 pages - pdf, format 8)

I find this very difficult to read, to my mind it's written too much like a novel (heavy handed descriptions, mood setting, etc.) which slows the reading down too much.  On the other hand, I suspect it's going to be a good story and that you have writing ability.  I look forward to reading a second, somewhat edited draft.

I had the same thoughts as Catherine. This is very novelistic, as if perhaps you've just made the switch to screenplays?

I was impressed initially with some of your descriptions - very lyrical and evocative, however the repetition of the same phrases and descriptions became a little tiresome after a while and took me out of the story.

I advise you to extend your word usage repertoire a bit and try to be more succinct/economical. You have a clearly defined writer's voice and talent that's obvious, but after around 35 pages I'm still at a loss to know exactly what is going on and where the actual story lies, including who the antagonist is.

What you have is definitely intriguing and 'd give it another go following a good edit.

Libby

Finished this first draft and am impressed with your skills but still hope that you edit.  Here are some thoughts... and plot spoilers...

You've got an unwieldy subject that you approach courageously.

There is some excellent dialogue that moves the story very well.

In my opinion, the many mentions of "tilted reality" detract from the story, having no reliable point of reference this reader's interest in the outcome was reduced to mere curiosity.

I suggest that you allow your characters and your story to develop without the many flash! points etc.  -- because your writing has real power, and you tell a tale well, I just don't think you need so many shadows.  Oh, and I always suspected that garden hoses were subject to demonic possession.