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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Radio and Stage Plays  /  Deals in Space
Posted by: Don, June 8th, 2014, 10:53am
Deals in Space! by William Peskett - Comedy, SciFi - Dave Smart, business lecturer, leads a group of entrepreneurs to Kalista-mm in the Smiling Disc star system in search of business opportunities. The benefit of studying a different way of life is that it teaches us more about ourselves. The groupís experiences provide plenty of scope for cruel swipes at many of the things we hold precious: government, big business, justice, democracy, climate change, science, religion and do-gooders generally. It all adds up to a hilarious jaunt around a little-known quadrant of the galaxy and a satisfying dig at many of our own sacred cows. 263 pages - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: CalebHart (Guest), June 8th, 2014, 11:16am; Reply: 1

A 263 page "radio" comedy.  I've never seen this before.  Must've been a lot of work.  You clearly have a knack for writing dialogue.  Best of luck with it.
Posted by: Dustin, June 8th, 2014, 2:16pm; Reply: 2
I read the first page and I found the dialogue too OTN... radio plays are difficult because you have to feed the story through dialogue, but it requires a subtlety I don't believe you have nailed. Maybe the rest of the script is better than page 1... but I doubt it.

Mine is just one opinion, the reviewer before me believes your dialogue to be sound, so you should probably listen to him.
Posted by: cloroxmartini, June 8th, 2014, 2:28pm; Reply: 3
263 pages? Check please...
Posted by: CalebHart (Guest), June 8th, 2014, 2:57pm; Reply: 4

Quoted from Dustin
Mine is just one opinion, the reviewer before me believes your dialogue to be sound, so you should probably listen to him.


I dunno if I'd call it sound.  I'm just impressed at the level of work it must've taken to write it.


Quoted from Dealsinpace
The people of Kalista-mm are a resilient race. They were not daunted by the challenge of environmental devastation. They embraced pollution and all its damaging effects. They evolved a new biochemistry to cope with an acid medium. They rejoiced in the damage to plant life by developing new acid-loving crops for areas that had previously been useless wild jungle. The animal species that went extinct in their thousands were glorified in death on the hat-badges of our nationsí armed forces  ó  images of the grathus, the armigent and the big sardine, for example, denote courage and fortitude in the face of insuperable odds.


It is on the nose though.


Posted by: Forgive, June 8th, 2014, 7:37pm; Reply: 5
Well - about 10 pages in we start getting to the actual script, and it's 10 episodes so that's about 25 minutes per - which might still be a bit long radio-wise as some do 15-min bits.

I noticed there was no sound effects at all - these are quite important in a radio play. Dialogue wasn't too bad - author doesn't appear to be totally new to the craft. Just seems like a bit of a data dump to me.
Posted by: Dustin, June 9th, 2014, 1:10am; Reply: 6

Quoted from CalebHart


I'm just impressed at the level of work it must've taken to write it.



You'd actually be quite surprised how easy it is to fill pages due to the format, and without needing to worry how bad the dialogue is, it's even easier.
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