Don't Get Comfortable by Bryson G - Short - A laid back guy's refusal to do house work causes his lady to leave him, but cleaning isn't his only problem.  9 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hi Bryson G,

This is not bad. Your writing is smooth and you have a sweet ending. But you need to make things a little more believable. Why would such a woman be with such a man, in the first place? The guy doesn't even care to get a job (and doesn't make any such commitment, not even in the end). Also, if his place was dirty enough to attract rats, this must have been a chronic situation and she should have reacted earlier.

Good effort, overall.

Manolis