Reflection Of A Killer by John Cowdell - Short, Chiller - Wesley is is left deeply depressed after the break up with his girlfriend who he caught in bed with another man. With his world around him crumbling apart, can Wesley find a cure for his pain? - pdf, format 8)

Hi John,

I'm a little disappointed here and I'll tell you  why...  You coulda done so much with this,  like reveal that Wesley already took revenge (maybe he already killed his girl and her boyfriend and stuffed their bodies in the closet or something)

As is I feel you ended the story  too soon. The answer to if Wesley can find a cure to his pain is clearly: no.

Gl with the script,

Tony

Tony, I get your point and I appreciate the feedback. The idea was to show Wesley's descent into madness, the development of his murderous personality. It would probably work better if longer, but was intended as a short I could shoot quickly and cheaply.

Hi John,

To be honest I struggled to read this at first due to your choice of font, any word containing a syllable looked like it was two. I would recommend changing it.

Besides that, I like this and completely see where you are coming from in making the story about the descent into madness.

However, I have a query, when Wesley looks in to the mirror putting himself down he says "Have you no decency?" I think it is because he has decency he has not retaliated yet. Maybe a different word here?
As you are going down the route of driving this character mad instead of showing us the madness, perhaps some memorabilia around the flat that indicated that another man was there, dirty underwear or some kind of stain(s) on the bed? This would drive any man mad. As the place is a mess and untidy one will assume the bed sheets have not been changed, so I wouldn't think that would be out of place.

Just my suggestion and opinion of course.

Lee O'Connor
(The Peace Line)
(Pacificus)