Guardians episode 1x01 by Jesse Estes - Sci Fi, Fantasy - An alien ship appears in Earth orbit one day with no warning. Appearing to be unmanned, the nations of Earth quickly begin competing to be the first to get on board and access its advanced technology. 69 pages - pdf, format 8)

Jesse,

Link to pdf does not work. The logline intrigued me even though it could include a mysterious stakes

Jesse,

Now I feel like Mr. White.

Don't know if your around so I'll keep it brief. Glad to say the link works now.

You need to lose the camera directions and do less telling. It'll be a lot easier for people to read if you do so.

Dialogue's not bad but too on the nose. People don't really talk like this.

R

Hi Jesse,

I only read the first 10 pages so I can only go off that.

I agree with the comment made about the camera direction, it's not needed. Unless you are directing this movie.

There are a few mistakes in your descriptions, wrong tenses and things but nothing major.

I will say that when describing someone or something use specifics, for example - BLAKE, 40s, all american.

What is an all american? I'm sure there is not one generic looking all american, just like there isn't a typical looking Englishman, we need specifics.
All a person in there early 40s to someone in there late 40s, appearance wise may look totally different. I would suggest just typing early 40s or late 40s.

It's not terribly written at all, just needs looking over again.

It's very slow moving for a script of 69 pages, I would recommend making it more exciting at the beginning.

My final thought, your logline needs work. It reads awkwardly.

Hope this helps.

Lee O'Connor
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6891045/?ref_=fn_al_nm_2