Is Anyone Home? by Luke Prince - Short, Horror - Phoebe runs alone through the forest, stalked by the living dead. A light shines in the distance.. is salvation up ahead? 3 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hi all,

Just to point out one typo I overlooked - I capitalise the characters name twice in the script. Am aware to only do so once, only included by mistake.

The rest of the script should be free of errors (as far as I am aware)

Thanks in advance of feedback

Quite an interesting short. I usually hate everything that involves zombies, however it didn't feel like this one was about zombies. I enjoyed it. Well written, breezed through this one and not just because it was a 3 pager.

These kind of shorts are always the ones that make you think what the underlying message or meaning is so I'll tell you how I interpreted it. In a world where danger lurks around every corner is helping someone an actual choice? If the man let Phoebe in, the zombies would target the house. No time for hesitation, it's clear-cut. An easy choice if you're trying to survive.

Because of that I also interpreted the amount of bodies near the barn as people who also tried to find a safe haven in the farm, like Phoebe. Maybe Phoebe wasn't the only one he left out there.

Whatever the meaning/message is, I think you should emphasise that everything is sealed shut or something of the likes. Otherwise it could be considered a plot hole that she didn't attempt to hide anywhere else in the farm.

You also need to capitalise the man once as he is a character.

"She reaches the large brick farmhouse; the surrounding
barns and fields eerily quiet." a large brick farmhouse would probably be a better fit.

"The man in the farm house slowly stands, turning slowly to
the window." should be just "The man slowly stands, turning to the window". Don't really need to mention that he's still in the farm house. It is obvious enough.

Good job with this.

- DS

I'm not usually a fan of the zombie stories but I felt compelled to read this as it was only 3 pages. Overall this was good, I like how the story is minimal here and that we know nothing of what is going on except our own interpretation.

This nagged me though, "ZOMBIES. Each one shuffles after her patiently, hungrily
following, waiting for her to slip."

I'm not sure the word "patiently" is best here. I know they are moving slow but I would just change the word. Just my opinion of course.

Lee

Hi Luke,

I agree with the others that you did a good job with this. You need, however, to specify the age of the man (if e.g. he is old) since this would help us interpret better his reaction. Also, I'm not sure if he saw the zombies or not. It is possible, for instance, that he only saw the girl and thought she was crazy or something. Which would lead to a quite different interpretation.

Nice little script though, I enjoyed it.

Manolis

I found this really well written and very easy to read.
You set the scene very well with your writing.
Not much to sink my teeth into as it is very short but a nice read.

Well done.
:)

nice read

that was messed up though...

Instead of "patiently" try methodically. Don't tell us they are waiting for her to slip, show the slipping/tripping. Refreshing 3 page read. In my mind she makes it through the zombies. They get distracted by a dog and she slips out of the pile.  Good job :)

Tony

A belated thank you very much for reading guys. Glad it was well received, will take the feedback on board. Thanks.

Luke

Technically, the writing is solid. The premise is of the most unoriginal type though, being chased by zombies through a forest.

“hours of running”

- Wow, that is a lot of running, I’d imagine one’s heart would give out before the rest of the body followed.

Unfortunately there is no story here, yes its only two pages but there is not even a set up and pay off which scripts of this length usually go for. It’s only a set up so it’s very hard to offers comment other than saying you should think about developing it some more. Don’t be shy, pages are meant to be written on ;)

I will say that if I were Phoebe and that ba?tard didn't help me out, I would use my last living seconds to find something in which to break his window and give the zombies a way in. Spiteful yes, vindictive most certainly! but I’d be dying in the most horrible way very very soon so I wouldn't give a fu?k.

Col.

Luke, I read this a while ago and felt it was rather anti-climactic but didn't have anything to offer by way of suggestions.  

Col makes some good points and offers a great suggestion re the ending.