Pimple-itis - Print Topic

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CRAVEN (to himself) You are a handsome devil.

Cut this dialogue. You could simply word it in the preceding action block that he is preening himself in a mirror, rather than just looking in one.

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A PIZZA GIRL shows up delivering a pizza. She is young and dressed in pizza delivery clothes.

A pizza delivery girl wearing pizza delivery clothes... whodathunkit?

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She is pretty except for the nerdy glasses and her horrible complexion. Her entire face is dotted with PIMPLES.

Why point out she is pretty then go on to describe how ugly she is? Why can't she be fat as well? Head misshapen?

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The Pizza Girl is holding a boxed pizza.

This should have been included in the initial description. You're going the long way around everything.

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A PIZZA GIRL shows up delivering a pizza. She is young and dressed in pizza delivery clothes. She is pretty except for the nerdy glasses and her horrible complexion. Her entire face is dotted with PIMPLES. The Pizza Girl is holding a boxed pizza. She ask a PRODUCTION PERSON for directions. The Production Person points towards CRAVEN. The good looking man with his legs crossed. The Pizza Girl nods and walks towards Craven sitting in his chair.

The above three action blocks need to be made into one. Find a way.

I've had a little scan through page 2 and it really isn't my type of comedy. Hopefully the tips I've given so far help in some way.