36th & 11th by Mikey Rodriguez (Obsauced) - Short, Comedy - A surprise birthday party that goes almost horribly wrong. - pdf, format 8)

Well written. The story just doesn't do anything for me. Too absurd for my comedic tastes.

Hi Mickey,

I liked the ending, but the rest is rather predictable. Maybe you could use some sort of double twist - e.g. what if the kidnapping was not real, after all, and Frankie totally fell for the prank? Just an idea.

Manolis

I don't want to read this and you know why? The title and the logline don't draw me in.

36th and 11th - so it's about a couple of streets in New York?

A surprise birthday party that goes almost horribly wrong. - I'm not interested in things that almost happen, I want to watch things that happen.

I'm being harsh I know but I'm doing it to point something out. If you send your script out to a studio or enter it into a competition the first thing anyone is going to do is read the title and logline. At that point they'll decide if they want to read the first page.

If what they read doesn't draw them in, doesn't make them curious and itching to start reading, you may have lost them before you start.

The title/logline needs to A - Tell us what the story is about and B - Entice us.

A lot of writers add the title and logline as an afterthought but it's actually far more important than that. Here's a link - Hope it helps:

http://www.indiewire.com/article/how-to-write-the-perfect-logline-and-why-its-as-important-as-your-screenplay

Mark