Code EXT. DEBANOUX MANSION - HURRICANE KATRINA DAY ONE - DAY |
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An overly bloated slug. There isn't any need to mention HURRICANE KATRINA DAY ONE, especially as you've already told us in a SUPER moments before.
Code The wind is picking up quite a bit, outside the Debanoux
mansion. Trees are blowing wildly etc. |
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Write as actively as possible, and use obvious images... not ones the reader has to figure out for themselves. So:
Trees blow wildly. That's all the information you have actually shared, the rest is superfluous.
Code Hurricane Katrina makes her way to New Orleans. |
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Yes we know... how many times in three action blocks do you think we need to be told? Screenplays are about show, not tell.
Code Lieutenant Dan, a New Orleans policeman, stands outside the
Debanoux mansion. |
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Introduce your characters in uppercase. Give at least an age too.
Code He watches an half opened upstairs window with much
interest. |
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There is a better way of writing this.
Code The window curtain flutters in the breeze. He
seems to be waiting for someone. |
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The window curtain? Also, how can we know he seems to be waiting for someone? Write what happens on the screen, not what people appear to be doing or seem to be thinking.