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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Radio and Stage Plays  /  Eve and Oliver
Posted by: Don, October 18th, 2014, 3:33pm
Eve and Oliver by Hendrik Riemens - Play, Romance - Eve is a simple girl who sees life through her innocent and romanticized eyes. Oliver is an aspiring rapper who works at an Apple store. They have nothing in common except for their unconditional love for each other, but is that enough? 8 pages - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: LeeOConnor, November 14th, 2014, 5:11pm; Reply: 1
Hi Hendrick.

Nice little play here. A few things I pointed out though.

The "/" is not necessary to indicate to us that its the characters next line, I would recommend losing it.

The "..." that you have put in then (eve interrupts him) is also unnecessary. Just the "..." will do. Eve actually interrupting him gives that away.

When you start a new scene it must be on a fresh page and the paragraph describing the scene should stand alone. There are no spaces in your script from dialogue to description, space it out.

In my opinion the first scene should be them meeting at the iPhone store, I think the scene would work better being in sequence.

Also with a play a synopsis is the first thing we should see and in some cases the characters and a brief about them.

The title may work better as "Oliver and eve" i know it is similar to two well known characters world wide but hay.

The story flows and is very simply to play out but I would look at the format a little more.

I hope this helps.


Lee

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