Terror in the City by Tony Batchelor - Horror - A young man struggles to learn the truth of his father's death behind his name becoming an urban legend. His soul is vastly becoming overtaken by his father's spirit from Hell!!! 89 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

You have a passive voice in your second sentence, see if you can't combine the two.

BLB

Tony,

You need to go back and edit this. You have huge blocks of action that bogs down the read and your dialog is too on the nose. On page 5 you have dialog and action bleeding together. What software are you using?

Is the abbreviation A.A.for African American? That's a new one.

Good thing you specify that you own your own incorporated picture company located on the first floor. You can make this movie and overlook the script errors. I recommend firing your proof readers,  however. :)

Tony

Tony i read and i liked your script; very inbound into the gory slanders of the community, i guess a child molester never is an easy subject to touch. but has a good motion in the plotline and hellish end.
whenever you write something else let me know about it.  You can find me by my horror script curst or the thriller 'On the road
Thanks.