Genie by Mike Logsdon - Thriller - A hit man sets out to dispatch his father, a serial killer whom he saw murder his mother when he was little. 115 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hi Mike,

First  ten...

Sounds odd  but screenplays are linear. You can begin your  story 30 years in the past but don't use: "ago"  unless you first establish what "now"  happens to be. Industry frowns on it.

Sounds funny that your first image is of a Cathedral getting "caught"  in a downpour. Mobile things, like people and vehicles get caught, not stationary things like buildings. No biggie,  but...

Good pace,  but you're way overwriting the first page. Try to stay away from that in screenplays.

A woman's corpse lies "plopped"  ugh.

This Joel guy is a fuck'n psycho.


"wild women and whiskey raw faces" that's how I like my whiskey.

If Gene is HANDSOME then he ain't GRIZZLED.

Pg. 8 That plopped word is following me,  I swear it!

Ok,  you wouldn't rush to a body and be hesitant to be next on the killers list. One or the other.

Gene snipes a dude then takes this elaborate escape path for no reason when he could just casually walk away. I wonder if this will reapear later in script.

Pg. 11 I've actually hit the ceiling with a broom in an apartment once or twice.

Pg. 12 Better use of flashbacking,  superimpose this so there's no doubt about it.

Slowed down now so kinda hard to get hooked and continue. A slight new wrinkles on the hitman story.

Gl with the script

Tony