Karma and the King by Brian Ingram - Short, Drama - Karma is a bitch and she knows it. 6 pages - pdf, format 8)

Cute little story. The dialogue needs some work IMO. Not sure that last line about being a 'bitch' is needed or serves any purpose really. I was confused about Becker getting killed too. I'm not sure what part he played except giving us backstory on Seer being kept prisoner against her will. I wish though at the beginning we'd seen her captive as I didn't get that impression. The pay off at the end would be more fulfilling I think if we got a sense of her longing to be free at the beginning when we first meet her. Overall I liked it. I like karma stories.

Brian,

Good comments are like good karma.  Accept them and smile.  Bad comments?  Erase them.

Not a bad little story.  The dialogue could use some work.  The King seems a bit too cliche for my taste, and I wonder what sort of king has no warriors around for protection?  If the seer plans to kill the king, why does she warn him?  Better to give him a message he embraces?  Her brother getting killed doesn't contribute much.  And why doesn't the seer save him before he gets killed?  In any case, everyone loves a good revenge story.  Nice job.

Best
Richard