Our Little Angel by Rick - Short, Comedy - Billy...Polar opposite of an angel child. 11 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hi Rick, took a read, just a few thoughts, just my opinion of course...

1) Your title page needs some work ;-)
2) I think some of the dialogue runs a little long, maybe look to prune the longer passages. (I do like a lot of the dialogue though!)
3) The ending with president didn't work so well for me, the Bin Laden reference seems out of place if a modern script and I just didn't buy the reactions.

But I did like the humour, the Omen parody really worked for me and some of the visuals are really nice too. Would love to see this filmed...

Anthony

Great of you to read and comment. Let me know if I can do the same for you.

No problem Rick, you're more than welcome to read any of my shorts, latest is Glitch.

Many thanks

Anthony

Hi Rick. I think this could only be made as an animated film, but it's a fun script nevertheless.

Here are a couple of questions:

- Why didn't the parents actually try to kill Billy? They say "Let's kill him", but then go to Father Ryan to exorcise him. Perhaps you could include a failed attempt to murder him or something.

- Regarding the utter destruction at the end: Was that Billy's plan/mission from the beginning? Or did things just happen to turn out this way?

I enjoyed the read. Good job.

Manolis

As Anthony says your title page needs work, plus I didn't understand the tag line at all.

I understood everything that happened and that's a good start. Although this is a comedy it was so OTT it didn't quite work for me but that's just down to personal taste.

Best of luck with this.

-Mark

Thanks for the read guys Athenian....The idea of REALLY killing Billy was just a whimsical thought. Glria dies chide Henry by asking "You are kidding aren't you?" In the end Billy turns the tables

Mark...The tag line...Billy...Polar opposite of an angel child....I feel is self explanatory and a revelation of what the story is about