Spook by Paul Hottenstein - Horror - When her younger brother goes missing, a woman unveils a dark world of underground sex re-assignment surgery, cannibalism and black market human organ exchange within an inner city ghetto. 119 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hi, Paul.

I'm somewhere around the 20 page mark, and I decided to stop there and share my thoughts. First, let me say congrats on completing a feature length script, no easy task. I hope you continue to contribute to the site. Now, on to my thoughts. You open with a gruesome and bizarre scene, which I like. Many stories cover gruesome, but bizarre difficult to do. Transgender. Interesting.
On a larger scale be sure to inject a deeper or moral meaning behind your story (which should be set up in the early beginnings and play out) another draft if you decide to do. This approach may assist in fixing some of the issues I came across, IMO. Too much narrative not enough dialogue. Too much telling the story rather than showing. Remember, you've gotten the hard part out the way, 100 odd pages of written word, now just edit.

Current draft (Too much narrative)
"Andre is totally and utterly freaked out at this point.  His body inching up the wall, until he stands straight up."

“Andre can no longer contain his scream!”

Revised idea
Terrified, Andre trembles up the wall, standing straight up.

Andre YELLS (or SCREAMS)


Good luck.

BLB.