Devil's Blessing by Ben - Short, Horror, Supernatural, Thriller - Devil's Blessing is a 28-page short film about a man hell-bent on revenge after the untimely death of his beloved girlfriend, gets more than he bargained for when he stumbles across the Devil. 29 pages - pdf, format 8)

Ben,

With comments, the devil is in the appropriateness.  Read with an angel on your shoulder.

I'll start with one of my pet peeves.  I am no fan of the 'it was all just a dream' ending.  I find that to be tricking or deceiving the audience.  You take me for a rollercoaster ride and then say 'never mind.'  That's me.  Some people like them.  If you had brought me back to Emm every five minutes, I would have gotten a RUN LOLA RUN vibe, and I lilked RUN LOLA RUN.

We open with Emm dead, and Jude not dead, although I would assume they took the same drugs.  But I buy it.  he goes off the rails and grabs a knife, which I don't recall him using, and a baseball bat that he's damn good with, all-star material.  Gets a gun and goes after dealer.  I'm right with you.

It gets a little dicey as he tries to escape only to try suicide at the tenement.  What?  he can suicide by cop any time he wishes.   Gun doesn't work so he dcides to keep running.  

He kidnaps the little old lady, and then things get surreal.  And we get the idea that maybe this isn't reality at all, just a jumbled up drug dream.  Damn.  It was going so well.

I like very much the writing which is graphic and quick.  You might look at some subject-verb agreement issues, but overall it's fine.  Some of the verbs are not exactly standard, but I'll run right along with you on those.  Dialogue works for me.  Overall, very readable.

Best
Richard

Thanks for the read and  feedback. :)  It's not actually a dream, though.  Jude's dead and in hell -- his eternity is to relive  these moments over and over again on loop.

Ben

Thanks for making things clear for me. I didn't get that he was in hell. Since he looped only once I did not get that he wil. Do over again and again. My bad.

Best
Richard

No worries, Richard. I don't exactly spell it out  --  so I'm not surprised readers miss it. I end the story the way it begins -with Jude on the chair opening his eyes to see Emmy  on the floor