A Priest, A Rabbi, and A Shaman by Chris Librizzi - Short, Comedy - A Priest, A Rabbi, and A Shaman walk into a bar... And that's when the s*** hits the fan. 10 pages - pdf, format 8)

Chris,

Some comments come wrapped in neat packages, others are just a jumble.  Take these with a prayer.

I love the title.  It reminds me of a joke, and you play that during the story.  Works for me.  What doesn't work is the scene with Amy.  It doesn't add much, and she never makes an appearance.  I don't see why it's necessary.

This is a classic story about someone who gets roped into doing something stupid and then pays for it.  What doesn't make sense for me are the robbers.  If they're there for the package, why bother with the robbery?  Once they get it, why keep going?  Do they care that Dino is gonna know they have the package?  And if they do, why not off poor Kirk.  If he dies, Dino is certainly out of luck.  

Same with Kirk.  He pulls his gun only to lose it before he even fires.  I don't get it.  

This one reads as if it's a teaser or opener to a longer work since we don't have a resolution concerning the package.  So, I'll leave it at that.

Best
Richard