Spaced Out by Kristopher M. Newcome with Marilyn Pesola  - Scifi, Fantasy - A female writer suffering from writers block develops a romantic bond with a man who she thinks is perfect, unaware that he is the alien from her story. 100 pages - pdf, format 8)

I love to read all the sci-fi posted here. I am really struggling to keep up with this writing. The structure is confusing. I have to re-read each line to understand what is being said.

If the authors show up, I'll keep going with a review.

Tony

I am one of the writers on the script. Thanks!

Welcome to the board. Grats on writing a feature. No easy task. Contribute and the members will reciprocate. I'll read further when I can.

Hi, you have some work to do until this is written to a professional standard. I'll give you some tips that you can use to rewrite the entire script.

Code INT. VERONICA’S HOME OFFICE - NYC - MORNING A working office. Bookcases stuffed with books along one wall. A leather recliner. A desk with desktop computer and phone.

None of the description in the above is important. You're merely describing an ordinary office which is an image we would conjure from the slug alone.

Code On a wall beside her desk a short shelf that contains her first published book, Romance From Space / Veronica Powers, on the spine’s dust jacket.

How do we know that it is her first published book? The punctuation and sentence structure is also off, making it difficult to understand.

On a shelf beside the desk, a book, Romance from Space by
Veronica Powers.

Code VERONICA POWERS, mid-20s, just sat at her desk. She’s a writer who lives almost totally in her head. Oblivious to the rest of the world, she lives mostly in this room.

Keep the action in the present tense. Show only what we can see on screen. We cannot see that she lives mostly in her own head until you show us. Show, don't tell.

Following that advice will make your script easier to digest.

I made some changes to the script. I cut some things that unnecessary. I appreciate your feedback you guys and gals are great.

Hot SS tip, Kristopher. Comment on some other people's work i.e.,  'shorts', or say, first ten of a 'feature length' and you'll get reciprocal reads. Sometimes you'll get lucky of course - Dustin gave you feedback before, but really it's quid-pro-quo around here.

Btw, in your logline you need an apostrophe 'writer's block' and you don't need to stipulate 'female'- just 'a writer' is fine imh.

P.S. No need to comment on mine, I don't have time to read yours at the moment, sorry. If you want to know the regulars around here to critique - just look at the portal or recent posts and that will give you an idea of what's current.