The Catch by Athol Forsyth - Action, Comedy - Gansters and herion, what could possibly go wrong. 7 pages - pdf, format 8)

Quoted from Don The Catch by Athol Forsyth - Action, Comedy - Gansters and herion, what could possibly go wrong. 7 pages - pdf, format 8)

Well...maybe a few redonkulous misspellings in the logline?  I know damn well what else will go wrong in the scriopt proper, but no fucking way will I be opening this thang up.

Really?  Athol...c'mon now...

Athol must have spat this out between courses, I reckon.

Apart from the 'redonkulous' alluded to there's also no title page filled in - title and author, contact details etc. :-/

I saw Athol pop in yesterday so no doubt he will again. Athol films a lot of his own stuff so perhaps he thinks it's not necessary? But, it is.

OMG Fen, what is that god-awful thing in your sig?

What could possibly go wrong? Nothing. Cuz nothing happened. It just ends.

Oops, I submitted the wrong one but to be honest the other is the same without the spelling mistakes.
I'm shooting this myself in a couple of weeks, the script is like a reference for me, a few actors and a second shooter. I don't plan to do anything more with it.

Tony, I dont know why you think nothing happens?  The two normally straight laced dudes fuck up big time and end up junkies. This is an anti drug msg

Well spotted LC lol X

Quoted from AtholForsyth Tony, I dont know why you don't think nothing happens?

Athol, that's a double-negative, mate. He does think nothing happens. I think...Now, I have to think twice...Maybe it's a triple.  ;D

Good on you btw, with filming your own stuff.

Quoted from AtholForsyth Tony, I dont know why you don't think nothing happens?  The two normally straight laced dudes fuck up big time and end up junkies. This is an anti drug msg

Sorry, I read it again and still don't see how you arrive at this conclusion.

Tony, if you can't see whats happening here I'll explain. The fisherman pulls up drugs that aint his, it's 'SMACK' ( the drug that has fucked the nation') he drags his mate into a world he dont want to be in, the guys that own the smack come looking for what is rightfully theirs. The fisherman and his mate have no choise but to 'fuck off',  somewhere along the line they 'taste the product' and get sucked into the situation. The viewer dont know this. When you see the fancy car with surfboards on the roof , you take it for granted it's them and they have fulfilled their dreams, it's not, bottom line is they got lured into a life of shop lifting and self distruction. You gotta remember here, this is a 4 min film, everything thats happening is 'pushing the story forward' maybe you cant see' the wood for the trees'

I've not been in here for a while, but instead of picking up on stupid  stuff like spelling, we should maybe help each other out where we can. BTW I only started making films last year and have won an award at a 'real' festival and got another 2 coming up this year. It sounds like I'm blowing my own trumpet here, I'm not, I'm just putting shit in prospective.

You might own a train, but if you dont have tracks to run it on, you're fucked !

Quoted from AtholForsyth Tony, if you can't see whats happening here I'll explain. The fisherman pulls up drugs that aint his, it's 'SMACK' ( the drug that has fucked the nation') he drags his mate into a world he dont want to be in, the guys that own the smack come looking for what is rightfully theirs. The fisherman and his mate have no choise but to 'fuck off',  somewhere along the line they 'taste the product' and get sucked into the situation. The viewer dont know this. When you see the fancy car with surfboards on the roof , you take it for granted it's them and they have fulfilled their dreams, it's not, bottom line is they got lured into a life of shop lifting and self distruction. You gotta remember here, this is a 4 min film, everything thats happening is 'pushing the story forward' maybe you cant see' the wood for the trees' I've not been in here for a while, but instead of picking up on stupid  stuff like spelling, we should maybe help each other out where we can. BTW I only started making films last year and have won an award at a 'real' festival and got another 2 coming up this year. It sounds like I'm blowing my own trumpet here, I'm not, I'm just putting shit in prospective. You might own a train, but if you dont have tracks to run it on, you're fucked !

I read the story, and I understood it, but it could've been executed a little better.  I can forgive some spelling errors, but there is also format/technical issues here, at least for myself.

You might've wrote this for yourself, I get that, but why upload a script that's riddled with errors? You can't expect us to ignore some of the more obvious ones, especially if you want legitimate feedback on where your script is at, as a product.

If you can't be bothered with the title page then get rid of it, otherwise it just looks messy.

You must ALWAYS capitalize the names of characters when they are first introduced.  I would consider that another technical error which needs fixing.

Quoted Text FIZZ Think about it, classic car, driving along, surf boards on the roof. (CUT TO: Tony going into a dream state.

To me, this is an example of poor formatting.

Btw, I wouldn't consider spelling to be a "stupid" thing to pick up on.  If you were to put this out there, it would be chucked in the bin off the title page alone.  You have to remember that we're judging the screenplay, not the final product.

I think the story has potential, but it needs to be extended and fleshed out a little more.

And to answer your question Libby, it's Edge from WWE.

I agree Max, my formatting and spelling are pretty grim  but thats not what I'm in here for. I'm here for ideas and to maybe help writers understand low budget films.

I'm not putting the script 'out there' to get picked up so there's no bin to put it in.

Feel free to join in, I'm not precious about my stuff. If it works we can use it, only thing I would say is stick to what locations I have in place, It's gotta be a quick in and out.

At festivals, they would rather have 10 five min films than two 25 min ones, so that's why I keep em short, I think of things in more of a visual world but the outcome is the same.

Anyway have fun and may the force be with you mother fucker :) X

You ain't putting it out there, fair enough, but you're uploading it here for people to read, and they will of course pick up on the errors.

If you want to help writers understand low budget films, perhaps consider posting some advice in the screenwriting class section.  I myself would be eager to read, because I don't really understand the business from that side of things, and a new perspective would be quite refreshing.

I'd also recommend not using "smack" for this film, it's very expensive and will add to the budget.  Think of all them dirty ass needles on set.  You don't want your actors coming down with something.

Peace.

Nice little piece, I loved the dialogue, I think that's the strongest point of the script. The end seems to be a bit rushed tho. I got confused somewhere at the beginning due to the names of the characters not being capitalised on their first appearance in the scene.

I hear ya Marcela and I agree about the Cap name thing. I don't write scripts until I need to, so by the time I get round to it, I've forgotten what I never knew.  The end bit is meant to be rushed tho, it's the twist, you think one thing, you see another. Thanks for sticking it out.;)

Max, you want to keep your head on the ball and dont worry where it came from, if you think to much about formating, log lines, spelling, then it's sucking the life out of what really matters. you're not at school here, let your mind go wild, fuck the mistakes, As  Albert Einstein said E=MC2, no object with mass can ever go faster than the speed of light! Don't store your energy at a bus stop.

I understand that overthinking some of the rules can damage creativity, and the ability to write, but we're talking about the basic rules here.

If I was to format my screenplay like this:

Quoted Text interior.citystreets = day a fat man micheal walks a dog long the streetz and barks. michealz hey dog, why u pullin the lead! i trip over shoes if u do that dog runs off n barks at anuva person

Would you say that's acceptable?  Where do you draw the line exactly?

I want to create a piece of work that's technically sound.  I want to master as much of it as I can.

I would love to have a carefree attitude like yourself, but I want to craft something technical, with as little mistakes as possible.

Call him 'Fat Mike' and is it fastso or the dog that's barking?

Just make him kick the dog, ( I love dogs BTW)

Woof Woof

Quoted from AtholForsyth Call him 'Fat Mike' and is it fastso or the dog that's barking? Just make him kick the dog, ( I love dogs BTW) Woof Woof

You're a funny guy :)

Hey there, I know a couple of people on here were interested in what can be done on a low budget.
I shot this short for about $500, that includes everything, I edited it myself, used music from Audio network, one song is £1 around $1.50 , The budget went on fuel and food but mostly beer.

If anyone has any questions on anything, I'll help if I can.

I put subtitles on it for our American cousins as the dialect is pretty strong.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LucDhrbm5YM

What a GREAT job you did! Seriously! I watch a lot of shorts. I love shorts, and more often than not there are parts where my mind drifts and sometimes even the story can be hard to fully understand, but not here. I also see a lot of films that look slick as hell with amazing camera work, but the story is not well told. I think you did a fantastic job on pacing and telling the story here. The cinematography was simple. It didn't dazzle with amazing lenses and such, but it was sufficient. Great editing you did too. Actors did good and it was funny too. Extra + for having a Guinness sign in it too.  ;D

Yeah, that was good. A massive improvement on the last one you did. Nice work.

Good job man, very well shot!

Cheers guys, I'm glad you enjoyed it, especially Angry bear since you watch lots of shorts. I try to keep things simple as we didn't have much time to shoot it (2 half days) The editing takes way longer.