I don't want to sound mean, but your first page needs work.
The logline also could use a re-work, I'm not really following it or buying into it. It comes across as lazy writing to me (my opinion only).
"A computer and other combined technology based on the fact that the brain is an organic radio takes over"
This doesn't tell much much, just combined technology that you can't think of right now but it there.
What a logline should state:
1. Concept
2. Main character
3. Main character's goal
4. Obstacle to that goal (to establish conflict)
5. If you can, mention what the stakes are if the main character fails to achieve his goal
6. 35 words or less
"It's a gloomy spring night within the evening hours." Your very first line doesn't read right to me, a spring night in the evening hours? maybe it's just me, but I had to read it a couple times.
I'm not sure why you are using bold print and underlining of a character. Next time you capitalize the character.
There is no discription for Chuck. Also the line:
"O.S.
Are you ready for tomorrow's job?"
Should have a name. The director is going to need to know who said the line.
Quoted Text INT. MADMAN GAMES
-
OFFICE BOARD ROOM
-
DAY
There are men and women seated inside the board room, including
CHUCK, JANE, MARIA, SOFIA, TROY, and DOMINIC who’s at the head
of the table. They a
re all conversing separately amongst
themselves because it seems like the meeting has not yet begun. |
Again who are these people?
You are missing page numbers on the script.
Sorry, but I'm out on the 2nd page.
I think you need to work on format first and foremost if you want to keep a reader engaged.
http://www.screenwriting.info/ hope this link helps.