Suicide Blade by Justin Swartz - Scifi, Fantasy - An LAPD homicide detective teams up with an alien princess to stop the princess's sister from using an ancient sword to open a portal between Earth and her planet, Igma, which will allow it to take over Earth's orbit around the Sun. 93 pages - pdf, format 8)

Ok Justin, a really fast read. Your script killed it! Good action blocks an believable and crisp dialog. And most important the dialog did not suffer through an action packed script.

Format issues? There are almost none. The only things I could find (using The Hollywood Standard):

(1)

Page 15: "PUNK 1"  

Why "PUNK 1", are there any other punks you CLEARLY DESCRIBE at this time and place?


(2)

When Jack is talking to himself you 'maybe' need a parenthetical like:

JACK
(to himself)
Blablabla


(3)

"FADE OUT"  becomes  "FADE OUT."

That's it.

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PS: could you find the time to read the screenplay "Estranged Mission" and tell me what you think about it? I could e-mail it to you.---

©When a former CIA agent learns of a planned terrorist attack on the ‘clean energy’ presidential candidate, he must go on one last mission to stop the fanatical suicide-bomber – his own daughter. -- Estranged Mission©

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Rutger

Quoted from vancety Ok Justin, a really fast read. Your script killed it! Good action blocks an believable and crisp dialog. And most important the dialog did not suffer through an action packed script.

Sorry, But I thought just the opposite. The dialog is way too tell. Pg.9 has a highway scene that completely lost me as to what's going on.

Code Jack looks up. The driver is no driver -- it’s NATALIA (32), another naked woman, with short black hair and green lips.                     JACK               Excuse me?

I see what's going for here, total coolness. I'd reconsider some of this.

gl

Tony